Archive | June, 2016

Musings

22 Jun

I got a new pen. I broke it in patiently until the words that came out flowed like silk. As time went on, I wrote your name once, twice in pages far between. Slowly, without knowing how, your name was what I doodled during long phone calls and sleep inducing lectures… Each time I wrote it, my world hinged on the pause between the syllables of your name. I said it softly, with a goofy smile on my face before my cheeks became stained with red.

I don’t know what went wrong later. Sinuous, like the smoothest of chocolate, the words were pieces of my heart seared with you; crude, misshapen and jagged.

Now when I write, the ink glistens red.

***

It feels I have taken him into my blood. And I let him out each time I say his name, cheating time as I become one with him, if only momentarily.

Like drifting waves coming back to the shore, each time with more longing than last…

The world rushes by in a blur and it is exhilarating. Finally, I am flying instead of just looking up toward the sky. Suddenly, the landscape changes and it is all a blur. I know the pain is coming. Time slows down, almost suspended. The impact feels too long in coming, yet nothing prepares me for the eventuality.

I am left wondering if any of it was real. Or did I want it so badly I convinced myself it was?

***

© My Rickety Typewriter, 2016; Vintage Ink.
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